Lex Friedman blogs here.

Lex is the EVP of Sales and Development for Midroll, the world's best podcast advertising network.

He was previously Macworld's senior writer, and continues to contribute to the publication. He is the cohost of the Not Playing podcast, a cohost of the Turning This Car Around podcast, a cohost of the The Rebound podcast, and the sole host of the Your Daily Lex podcast.

Lex's first book, The Snuggie Sutra, is exactly what it sounds like. His most recent book is a Dr. Seuss parody for adults; it's called The Kid in the Crib.

You should follow him on both Twitter and App.net.

Lex would be delighted to speak at your awesome event.

Joy to the world, we have dim sum

I tweet a lot on Christmas... because I don't have a lot else to do. I am a big fan of sharing Chinese food-focused Christmas parodies on Twitter. I don't know exactly why. Here's my tweet barrage from Christmas Day:

Dammit! Thought I heard Santa, but it was just the jolly green giant.

Ignored by Santa AGAIN. 33 straight years of North Pole antisemitism.

Have yourself a crispy chicken wonton
Make the rice be fried…
From now on, I’d love some egg drop on the side…

Sleigh bells ring
Are you listening
In the lane
Snow is glistening
A beautiful sight
We’re happy tonight
Thankfully King Wok is open now

Although it’s been said many times, many ways…
Pass the duck sauce, you prick

I hear the phone call ring-a-ling,
ting-ting-ting-a-ling, too
When they answer, I’ll ask them for six pints of moo shoo…

Sleigh bells ring
Are you listening
In the lane
Snow is glistening
A beautiful sight
We’re happy tonight
Anyway please pass me the chow fun

I wish you would pass the dim sum
I WISH you would pass the dim sum
God DAMN it please pass the dim sum
And the wontons as well

Should old leftovers be thrown out,
I would think it’s about time
We’re simply order more take out
From Gold Hunan on 9

SIMply HAVing some chicken in garlic sauce…

Rocking around
The Christmas tree
Have a heaping plate of ribs

I ordered Chinese food
Pa rum pa pum pum
I’m eating Chinese food
Pa rum pa pum pum

Deck the halls with pu pu platters
Yum yum yum yum yum, yum yum yum yum

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
An order of beed with broccoli

To the tune of Feliz Navidad
Ate three steamed wontons
Ate three steamed wontons
Ate three steamed wontons
Now they’re all gone
No more wontons
I wanna order a plate of dumplings
I wanna order a plate of dumplings
I wanna order a plate of dumplings
And some chicken with peanuts…

The first Noel
The Jewish folk said
This would be better
With lo mein instead

Frosty the Snowman
Could have lived a few days more
But he said, “More spice makes tofu taste nice,”
As he melted to the floor…

There must have been some soy sauce in
That old silk hat they found
For when they placed it on his head,
He… tasted friggin’ delicious.

Go tell it on the mountain,
Please hold the baby corn

Hark the herald angels sing
Order me egg rolls—no, spring

Here comes Peking sauce
Here comes Peking sauce
Dripping down Peking duck’s plate…

We can hardly stand to wait,
Please Hunan’s, don’t be late…

Have a holly, jolly eggplant
If it’s drowned in tasty sauce…

I saw Mommy eating Hunan beef…

It’s beginning to look a lot like Egg Rolls…

Jingle bells
Jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Why does the Chinese food place
Take hours on this day?

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Atop chicken with some sauce…

Silent night
Holy night
Hoisin sauce
Just because
Few things are open
But Chinese food is
Got it delivered by several chasids
Beef in heavenly sauuuuuuuuuuce
Beeeeeeef in heavenly sauce.

Oh chicken wing,
Oh chicken wing,
You taste so great with soy sauce

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But lo mein is so delightful
And as my belly’s grumbling grows—
General Tso’s, General Tso’s, General Tso’s

I’m dreaming
Of a fried wonton…

When we finally say adios
How I’ll hate going out in the storm
But if we order General Tso’s
All the way home I’ll be warm…

Joy to the world,
We have dim sum

O Come All Ye Chickens,
Sesame and Szechuan

O, Holy Night
Let’s get fortunes from cookies

Waitin’ around
The Chinese place
We’ve got to stand in line
All these Jews in front of me
They first queued up at nine…

You better eat up,
You better not waste,
Don’t tell me you don’t like how it tastes
Chinese food is pricey… today.

Silver bells
Silver bells
It’s Chinese time in my belly

Five pints of soup…
Four dumplings fried
Three wontons
Two chopsticks
And some chicken with duck sauce

A beautiful sight
We’re happy tonight
Could you please pass me the crispy beef

Posted on December 26th, 2013