Lex Friedman blogs here.

Lex is the EVP of Sales and Development for Midroll, the world's best podcast advertising network.

He was previously Macworld's senior writer, and continues to contribute to the publication. He is the cohost of the Not Playing podcast, a cohost of the Turning This Car Around podcast, a cohost of the The Rebound podcast, and the sole host of the Your Daily Lex podcast.

Lex's first book, The Snuggie Sutra, is exactly what it sounds like. His most recent book is a Dr. Seuss parody for adults; it's called The Kid in the Crib.

You should follow him on both Twitter and App.net.

Lex would be delighted to speak at your awesome event.

A very Chinese food Christmas

Christmas really is different for Jews. Mostly because we sit around and nothing, interrupted occasionally by Chinese food and the movies.

This morning, as I sang various Christmas carols around the house, obnoxiously substituting in “Hannukah” for no good reason, I then crooned: It’s beginning to look a lot like wontons.”

Not hilarious. But a perfect melding—to my mind and ear—of Christmas music and the cliched Chinese food that characterizes the holiday for me. Then, I took over Twitter timelines everywhere with various improvised Christmas/Chinese parodies. A clever follower by the name of Judah (@judahe) suggested the hashtag #RiceChristmas, which I couldn’t fit, but loved.

It’s beginning to look a lot like wontons…

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell wok…

We wish you a crispy chicken
We wish you a crispy chicken
We wish you a crispy chicken
And a side of moo shoo

God rest ye chicken szechuan,
With brown rice on the tray…

Simply having
Some chicken with garlic sauce

To the tune of Feliz Navidad
Eat up these wontons
Eat up these wontons
Eat up these wontons,
Before they’re gone,
Eat the wontons
I want to eat some sesame chicken!
I want to eat some sesame chicken!
I want to eat some sesame chicken,
And maybe, some crispy duck!

Rockin’ around
The crispy beef,
Have a happy holiday

Oh sesame,
Oh sesame,
You taste so good on chicken...

You better not shout
You better not cry
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why:
Hunan beef is coming—
Chow down!
I’ll feed you crispy chicken,
I’ll feed you egg fu young,
I’ll feed you fortune cookies if
You’ll pass the veal chow fun

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows you want some egg foo young
And your dumplings fried, not baked

Dashing through the snow
With my order on the way
A pint of General Tso’s,
And some egg drop soup—hooray!
Sweet and sour sauce
Some ribs are en route, too
Since they’ll deliver today,
It’s fun to be a Jew!
Oh, Chinese food
Chinese food
Chinese food today
Oh thank God
For Chinese food
Since everything else is, you know, closed for Christmas.

Angels we have heard on high,
“This beef chow mein, you have to try.”

Chestnuts roasting in some garlic sauce,
Duck sauce dripping on your clothes
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
I’m still hungry, oh noes

Fill my plate with ginger tofu
Fa la la la la, and hoisin sauce

Kung Pao merrily on my
Plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate

No veal,
No veal,
No veal,
No veal!
Our order’s messed up,
Now sad’s how I feel

Hark, did our doorbell just ring?
Let’s eat Kong Po Chicken Ding!

Joy to the world,
We have dim sum!

Oh the weather outside is frightful
Wonton soup would be delightful
And since all the rest are closed,
Let’s get Tso’s, let’s get Tso’s, let’s get Tso’s

Oh, holy crap
Moo Goo Gai Pan’s so spicy…

To the tune of Silent Night
Side of rice,
So much rice,
White and brown,
So much around…
Some is fried,
And some is not
Goes well with the moo shoo that I got
Feed me more Chinese please,
Feed me more Chinese please

Silver bells
Silver bells
This orange beef is so sticky

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A quart of some beef with broccoli

It’s the most tofu-filled time
Of the year…

Here comes garlic sauce,
Here comes garlic sauce,
Dripping right off my chin

I saw Mommy with the hoisin sauce…

Posted on December 25th, 2012